Toddler Contrails

Here we are, just a couple of weeks away from three years ago. This is my absolute favorite baby picture of JR as this is how I remember him. So soft and cuddly - always content so long as he was cuddled and loved. He was such a good little baby.

As we near Monday, I must admit that I'm feeling very conflicted about JR's birthday.

Those who have known me for a while probably heard me say that I wanted only boys. Never being a girly girl (although that has changed as I got older), I always felt more comfortable hanging out with the guys. Terminally dubbed as "one of them" - this sometimes made dating a bit difficult. Still, many of the ways that I view the world and process information is inherently masculine, so I think I generally felt more comfortable around members of the opposite sex. This is also apparent in most of my female friends - as they are very similar.

When I got pregnant with Janna - I found myself wishing and praying for that family of boys. Then at 12 weeks, they found that cyst...and at 15 weeks, it had grown and started to show signs of being more than just a cyst. So by that point, I was willing to take anything healthy. So long as it meant I could raise him/her. I truly believe that was God giving me a little reality check: "Hello, Hollee, there are people out there who have it SO much worse...how about you be happy with what you have!" So I was. And upon a clear bill of health and a baby who made it through surgery, I was thrilled to fill my life with all things pink and frilly. Besides, those of you who know me well now, would also know that I'd really be lost without my sous chef and shopping partner. I'll admit it - God knew better than me. I needed a Janna.

9 months after the birth of our beautiful baby girl, Jeff and I decided it was as good a time as any to start trying for number two. Again, I couldn't help but hope and pray for that little boy. My daughter was pretty much the biggest Daddy's girl ever, and I really wanted a mama's boy to counter. I also hadn't given up on that house full of boys fantasy - even if it was balanced out by a tomboy in a princess dress. And, once again, God delivered his reality check. This time in the form of an early ultrasound that showed no baby. I sat, heartbroken, as the midwife told me I was likely to miscarry. It was a scary week, but when that little bean with a heartbeat popped up a week later - none of it seemed to matter. In hindsight, growing at his own pace is pretty much quintessential JR.

I understood the message in that experience: accept, trust, and have patience - I will deliver. I can't say I was especially good at this - as I spent the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy looking for any sign suggesting the gender. On the day of the half way point, I had my ultrasound. And that was the day I found out we were going to be blessed with a little man.

Now that little man is going to be three, and I'm headed into Monday with feelings of loss. Jeff and I are not having any more children, so that means when my son turns three, I am officially out of the baby/toddler phase of my life. I am fully aware that nothing magical makes today any different from Monday. Still, the fact that I will say my youngest is "three" rather than "almost three" is a huge thing in my mind. It means that I now have a preschooler, not a toddler. It means that I have a big boy, not a baby. And here's the big boy bike to prove it:

We did his bike early, because tomorrow is a bear, and the weather is supposed to be bad. Then Monday is work and school, and out to dinner plus cake. I thought giving him a new bike, and then not taking him out to ride it, would be cruel. So, we decided to give this one to him early.

These are the pictures of JR as he came out to find it.

Running to the new race car bike.

Jeff teaching JR to ride. Which was a feat. JR is very sensitive, and easily frustrated. So, teaching him to ride a bike will be interesting - to say the least.

This was a mid-afternoon meltdown because Daddy took the bike away.

He was starting to get the hang of it here. As you can see, he is looking at his feet. He is concentrating on the pedaling so hard, that he's forgetting to look out where he's going. The coordination for steering isn't there yet.

When we had enough of biking, we moved to the playground. These were all taken at a brand new park less than a mile from our house!

Ever the actress.

I love this picture, because JR is totally unaware of the scary looking bug next to him! Gotta love Florida!

After the park we had dinner, and then I grabbed some pictures of the kids. I have this frame that I was to fill with pictures of the kids' faces making different expressions. We're also to the point with Janna where she needs a chore chart and an allowance. She's starting to understand that money is how we buy things, and that work = money. I also thought giving her an allowance in dollar bills will teach her some number sense. The plan is to give her $4 a week - with the idea that she saves $2, tithes $1, and keeps $1 for things that she wants to buy for herself. To make the chore chart, I took pictures of her doing the chores (since she can't read yet).

Folding white towels: